On Our First Anniversary

Dear Parker,

Today is July 25. That means it is already twelve months ago that we promised to love each other and began trying our hands at this thing called marriage. Twelve months later, and I feel that I have only learned how little we knew what we were doing. Twelve months, and I have learned how much I have to learn. Or maybe merely learned that I need to learn how much I have to learn. Someday, perhaps, I shall get around to actually learning it.

But there is one thing I have begun to learn to appreciate. And that is how blessed I am with you. I have only begun to be thankful for all that you are.

And as I have not yet always learned the humility and love to give words to my thoughts, I write to tell you what I have learned to be thankful about in you.

Thank you for going to work every day, rising early, and letting me sleep. Thank you for always coming home, as quickly as you can, and letting me know if you're going to be late. Many women wonder where their men are and what they're doing. Thank you for working and wanting me to stay home. Thank you for bearing the financial burden so I do not have to. Thank you for being content with a small income, a small house in need of fixing up, having to be careful with purchases. Many women feel pressured to work to support the home.

Thank you for coming up with ways for me to be more productive instead of complaining when I am not. Thank you for cleaning the bathroom when I didn't get around to it, even though I could have. Thank you for silently doing what you asked me to do, more effective than any rebuke. Many men are not as patient as you.

Thank you for loving our daughter, for delighting in her smiles, for missing her, for insisting on daddy-daughter time. Thank you for always being willing to get up with her, even though you're tired and can't catch up on sleep during the day like I can. Many a daughter is not so loved by her father. Thank you for wanting to get rid of her for the evening to spend time with me. Many a wife is not so loved by her husband.

Thank you for taking responsibility even when I am wrong. Thank you for pushing me to use my skills. Thank you for thinking that they are skills, that my writing and pictures and cooking and things are of value and worth developing. Thank you for telling me no, we cannot have ice cream again, and all the other ways you help me to be disciplined. Thank you for being generous, for being willing to spend money, for not criticizing my spending choices, for being patient and encouraging as I learn to shop. Many - perhaps most - men are not so sensitive. Many cannot balance love and discipline as you do.

Thank you for loving my family, for enjoying seeing them as much as I do. Thank you for actively seeking to protect women, whether me or my sisters or cousins or others, as I know you will do with our daughter. Thank you for providing me with whatever I need or even desire, be it clothes or  a new camera or something for the home. Many men do not understand how to honor women as a weaker vessel.

Thank you for being at church whenever the doors are open, for showing our daughter what is  important to us. Thank you for leading in prayer and devotions. Thank you for keeping me accountable in mine. Thank you for praying for me and Marie. Thank you for asking me how you can pray for me. Thank you for encouraging me to build relationships, go to Bible studies and events, meet with friends. Thank you for not complaining if I do that even when I could be doing things at home. Many women must seek God and spiritual growth on their own.

Thank you for continuing to share things with me, even after I didn't appreciate or understand the last thing. Thank you for making sure that we spend quality time together. Thank you for noticing something is wrong when I don't even. Thank you for asking, again, what is wrong, for waiting patiently for an answer. Thank you for remembering things, whether dates or what we said or something I asked you to do, and for not getting upset when I don't. Thank you for challenging me to follow you. Thank you for sharing your most difficult, emotional burdens with me. Thank you for making my job easier by being a man worth respecting. Many women feel the burden of maintaining the relationship is on them.

I could go on. Perhaps, as I guess you will feel, these things are only what a man ought to be. But that does not mean that one is these things, and I am resolved not to take them for granted. And I know that you are growing and are not perfect, even in the areas I have listed. That's okay. Yet, even in this past year, even month, I have seen your responsiveness to God's leading, and growth.

I've always heard that love gets better and deeper as time goes on. And it does, as I now know for myself. Know enough to know how little I know. I look forward to growing with you, learning to love you better, and seeing what this next year holds for us.

Happy anniversary, beloved.

Dear Baby

Dear baby,

Although we've not officially met yet, already you have changed my life so much. You have made me start thinking and saying grownup stuff like "my firstborn" and "we need to get a car seat."

I can barely see my toes, and spend as much of my sitting down time with my feet up as I can because they are swollen.

Your papa and I keep having the same conversations, wondering what things will be like, marveling at how fast time has gone. Feeling kind of scared because we hear it only goes faster. I said Sunday that I feel like I'll wake up tomorrow and be a grandmother. Only two short years ago, I had never even considered marrying your papa, and our wedding was only nine months ago. How long ago that seems, and yet only yesterday.

You're due in two weeks, but you could come any time now, really. It'd be nice to be done with school first, but I can't wait to meet you. What will you look like? We don't know what a Cornwell baby looks like. Will you look like your papa? Will you look like a Beerbower? It seems you must have a look I cannot quite imagine yet. Will you be chubby or skinny? You seem like a quiet, well-behaved little baby. Will you be a happy baby like your cousin Keith? Will you be as adorable?

And I wonder most of all, are you a boy or a girl? How different our lives will be depending on the answer!

There are lots of questions. I wonder what labor will be like for me, and what your birth story will be.

You've already changed my life in so many ways. I cannot even imagine how you will in the future. You change how others see me. No longer will we be just a young couple. We'll be parents. Those we meet after the next few weeks will think of us as a young family. I will be categorized as a mom.

And we don't know how much we don't know. How naive are we? We wonder sometimes if some of the things we think are because we just don't know or because we will be different parents than others we see. The one thing I do know is that I don't know.

But for now, I'm not worried. Just waiting, wondering. And a little scared, when I think about how big an impact what we do will have on you.

It's appropriate that this is the first post on the new blog. Because you're starting a new era in our lives.